Unexpected Gifts

March 4, 2013 by 2 Comments

We held hands, we kissed too much, we got the perfect hot drinks. We ran and talked, we went miles further than he has in ages, we were playful. We are best friends, and remembering that amidst the morning nursing sessions, all night needs, oatmeal cooking, dinner planning, babies on our backs, nap shuffling, and meeting a thousand needs a day that aren’t our own… we are still the best of friends. Better friends in fact, than ever before.

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It is so wonderful to remember that I love Charlie. Not just him as a husband, or a partner, or a Papa. But Charlie. Mathy, nerdy, awkward, gentlemen, always growing, romantic, Charlie. The man who asks me how I am, and then waits, waits out the ” I am fine…” and waits, silent, not filling the space with his thoughts. He waits, to know me.

 

{Thanks to my awesome parents who struck the golden weekend. On Wednesday night my Mom called and said “we miss you. What are your plans this weekend?” and, we miss them too, so much. And better than that? This past weekend was one of our only free weekends in the next two months. }

Filed Under: growing, marriage, Our Story

thankful interruption {nineteen}

November 19, 2012 by 2 Comments

Those days when it just overwhelms. The out serving. The glances over the tops of tiny blonde heads that crawl and bob between us. The huge fill up of love, closeness, covenant, chosen, just the right love. Today I am thankful for my everyday husband. That these feelings aren’t rare. That his loving actions don’t surprise, they supply the scaffolding for our hearts to keep climbing. Charlie, you are it. Thank you so much.

Filed Under: glad list, growing, marriage

we dated.

October 28, 2012 by Leave a Comment

I put on my bright orange tights and wore my hair just so. He put on the plaid shirt he knows I like the best. We kissed the babies goodbye and left everything at the door. Camera included.

We held hands and kissed at street corners, forgetting green lights in favor of x’s and o’s. We walked fast, and left our bags behind. We ate to our fill and I ordered one more drink.

We got carded and grinned. Smile lines we have etched into each others faces grew deeper.

The only betrayal of our age and obligation were the little circles on my dress inching bigger by the second, reminding me of the biggest little responsibility crawling around at home.

I found my city again. I fell in love with the crinkles around his eyes again. And I felt sure, strong, comfortable, and safe. I remembered why we are best friends. I had that wonderful moment at the end of a date where you think “wow, I really like you!” .

We dated today. And it was perfect.

Filed Under: marriage

<3

October 10, 2012 by 1 Comment

I have been phoneless for a couple of days ( lost it in the Target parking lot but got a CALL last night from it, miraculously found!) and it has been a thowback to high school. I sat in front of my computer while Nolie read and Ever slept (on me) and just.kept.refreshing. And then his email popped up, he was on chat!, swoon! We chatted, “I miss your voice”, “I love you more”, ok… not really. But really. So much love for that man.

that smile. that face.

love.

Filed Under: glad list, marriage

Charlie.

October 5, 2012 by 2 Comments

Light glows around the bathroom door and I can hear little feet jumping and (splashing) bounding around the room.

“Papa you know about stories?”

yes little one, tell me a story?

“Once upon a time there was carrots and radish, TINY bunnies!” (and the story goes on)

Bedtime is late tonight, she is very tired but not near as tired as he is. His night before was spent working late hours, taking a quick shower and then waking to her cries at 2am “Papa, papa come in here. Papa come cuddle me.” and he answers. And works again the next day. Because it is a short window of time that your eldest daughter will ask to be held all night. Because answering her needs is his job and he takes it very seriously. Because her need is bigger than his. Because he just loves her so much.

The door pops open and a stark naked tiny girl is giggling hard, gap tooth and wet bangs. “Papa, you know I like cat pajamas? You know its cold enough for FLEECE!”

“Yes sweet girl, lets get your jammies on and you can pick some books.”

The ritual isn’t rushed. Even though the afternoon was full of meltdowns; The baby screams and the wife cries. Even though the biggest little girl didn’t eat any dinner and poured water all over the bathroom floor. Despite it all, his love and willingness to show it is unfaltering. No “time outs” were had. No “because I said so” ‘s were uttered,  his somehow unending patience fills all of us with evening smiles and twinkling eyes.

The baby settles  to nurse into sleep. The light around the bathroom door gone and the rosy nightlight lamp fills Nolies room. They read. And read. Then lay down to sleep, only she wants to sleep with her head on the opposite end of the bed than typical. “That’s a pretty silly way to sleep, but lets do it!” Papa says yes. Papa defaults to yes. He hears her, knows there is a little extra work for him and yet, “yes.”

Minutes later I hear them both. Matching sleep sounds. Groans and snores. I go to extract Charlie and Nolie is cuddled up on his collar bone in the very spot he has our tattoo- “One”- it carries much more weight now. Isn’t just Charlie and I as one. It is the word for our family, we are one. Held up by God, our only One. Inspired to parent with grace, empathy and love.

Our little family is One. 

 

Also, if you are interested in some of the parenting changes we are making, here is an article that give some information. Also, the book that we recently read and are gaining a lot of inspiration from is Unconditional Parenting, I highly recommend reading it.

Filed Under: family, glad list, marriage

thank you.

December 15, 2011 by 1 Comment

Praise God for changing people. I don’t remain stagnant. Prayers for change and alignment are answered and my ability to serve and be served is being refined and shaped even in a time that feels so full of busyness and exhaustion. This season feels like such a  testament to God working even when I feel too lowly and tired to move an inch. Mountains in our marriage are moving and satisfaction and joy are growing. This feels like the coming to fruition of “when we are weak He is strong.” in so, so many ways.

Thank you Charlie, for everything.

Filed Under: growing, marriage

Goal? Achieved!

December 12, 2011 by 7 Comments

When we first talked about getting pregnant I knew I wanted to keep running. And we have, but it has gotten a little harder recently and made me doubt whether or not I could keep up with it to my goal (Running the Jingle Bell Run at 21 weeks pregnant). Well? Today that goal was achieved! Nay- annihilated! Further, hillier and we ran it faster than we have any other run during this pregnancy.

post race with very legit sweat stains!

I won’t lie, I felt like crap for the first mile (or more) and wanted to start walking but Charlie pushed me to make it to the end of the stretch we were on and once we made it and I came to the 2 mile marker I knew I could do it (only 1.2 left!). The big hill at the end nearly took me down but as Charlie reminded me “this is just a contraction- then down hill and rest, you’ve GOT IT!” I had to just laugh and keep going. And it felt awesome to make it to the top and then pretty much sprint our way down the hill to the finish.

Charlie takes his job as an encourager seriously and is beyond gifted at being really encouraging without being fake in the least. When we made it to the end and he hugged me, kissed the belly and said “I am so proud of you.” I knew he meant it and wanted it to seep into me too. And it did. My knee-jerk is to downplay ” I didn’t go fast enough” “It isn’t very far” “I’m not that pregnant.” But the truth is… I am really proud. I set a goal and achieved it. So I am setting another one… 25 weeks and running for 35minutes. I think this is within reach. One month from now and we will hopefully still be going strong.

my running buddy!

Running is changing the bigger I get but it still feels relatively awesome and I want to keep it up as far into this pregnancy as I can. Also? achieving goals is addicting and exciting. Who needs the new year to start making changes!? Start today! Last pregnancy I bought into the idea that pregnancy was a handicap, a hindrance and and an affliction. For me? That is just so not true. Now that we are fully into the swing of the second trimester I am feeling more energetic and excited about this baby and being active, than ever. I am bigger and move more slowly, I rest more and eat (a lot)more but over all I am feeling so awesome and strong. Exercising during pregnancy is not dangerous (always chat with your doc/midwife about it though) and feels so great. Baby loves the bouncing of our runs and I love the time alone or with Charlie to think about just this baby and all the choices we are making for her. And the ways I can love her through my body starting now. 

So we have made it past half way and are still going. Baby and I are a pretty awesome team.

21 weeks

Filed Under: family, marriage, parenting

mr. mom and moping

October 13, 2011 by 10 Comments

Climbing Out

The past month or so has been a rough one at our house. Charlie has done some serious slack picking up- more than that really. He has been holding up our whole family.  Doing the cleaning, cooking, meal planning, bed timeing, bathing and loving of a crazy lady. All the while I am crying and Nolie is crying and he is telling me all the things he is Thankful for. It really is mind blowing.

This pregnancy has been really different physically. I am so much more exhausted and nauseous. I think this is caused mainly by lack of sleep and an over abundance of nursing but it also is just another hallmark of pregnancies- they are all different. As are the babies that come from them (I still can’t picture any kid other than Nolie coming out of me. . . hopefully I get to that point soonish).

But while it has been hard physically the real kicker has been emotionally. Not just in the cry about dumb things way. But that has been happening a lot too.

Side Note: This week I cried about. . .

1. Talking about the video for the song Firework

2. Thinking about the movie Mr. Hollands Opus (I don’t even remember the movie other than the parade scene and the baby not hearing it)

3. Driving past a house with a “My Student is a Summer Reading Super Star!” sign in the window (and this wasn’t the first time this happened).

 

I mean emotionally in the- I can’t stop feeling sad, agonizing and stressing about things that I have no control over/are really far away. Blowing small things out of proportion and just generally being extremely sensitive and out-burst’y. I am taking every sad moment of my life and reliving it in any downtime moment. I am wasting time online and not doing a great job as a Mom and worst of all- Nolie is the one who is having to suffer through it.

Our days used to be spent with a fun activity out of the house, nap and then reading/singing/crafting/counting/book reading and all the other things that feed a toddlers heart and mind. Now? Me trying to sit down and mope while holding or nursing her and then trying to engage her in something so I can keep sitting (“go and play in your kitchen”, “try reading the book on your own”, “can’t you just leave me alone?!”- ok not that one, but I  keep thinking it). I am moping and having the hardest time pulling myself up and out.

I know the remedy- a few weeks time and some serious thankfulness and journaling. I know that if I sat and wrote the things that are bright and beautiful in my life I wouldn’t feel so oppressed by everything heavy from my past. But I feel too tired to even have the energy to journal this. To put up the emotional effort to be Thankful, that takes so much work. But today when Nolie was crying “Hold the mama! Hold the mama! Nolie sleepy, nurse, nurse, nurse.” and I just wanted to walk out the door- the severity and need for some bootstrap pulling hit me.

I need direction, a plan of action and some schedule. So this weekend we are making a big black board for me to write our daily schedule on- if only to keep me accountable to playing and writing (both will be on the agenda). So what if the plan gets thrown out the window midway through. At least we will have accomplished something as some point during the day and that is more than I can say for right now.

This is a downer post. I am kind of a downer person today. But starting soon I am making changes and choosing growth and thanksgiving over mope and weep. Wish me luck!

Filed Under: baby #2, family, growing, marriage, pregnancy

date night

August 29, 2011 by 4 Comments
We snuck out for a date a while back and it was perfect. I really love Charlie. I often times forget how important getting one on one time is, but every time we get away together we can’t help but grin at one another and be so excited about how much we still want to just be together. 

We started with espresso drinks at B&O espresso on Capitol Hill. We just sat and talked, were quiet and still and just reveled in not kid wrangling. We talked about this next baby and how excited we are about this birth and the huge things we plan do do differently. More about that soon. 

Then a bump picture had to be taken. A pretty little bump. 
Also, on our dates we don’t have “rules” (not talking about Nolie, no work talk, etc.) and I think that is part of what is so freeing about it. And, surprisingly enough, we didn’t talk about Nolie much. Mainly just about what is going on in our lives right now and how endlessly thankful we are for where we are at.
The new hair. . . it doesn’t look all that different, but I did cut 6 inches off!

If you are ever in Seattle do yourself favor and GO to the Frye Art Museum. It is wonderful. Their great room is mind blowing. 

Little times during our day to make each other a priority are incredible, but nothing beats an afternoon just strolling the town that feels like home, hand in hand with my best friend.

Filed Under: marriage

the Five Minute Date

August 5, 2011 by 7 Comments

Something happened when I had my “I am healthy” revelation. I felt horrible the next day. Big, gross and like my clothes didn’t fit. And then I had another revelation- I have to choose Thankfulness and Joy.

If left to my own devices I am a pretty snarky and sharp person. I can be sunny with the best of them but my optimism runs out by  noon and I am left not really liking anyone and least of all myself. I can find the worst and ugliest in every part of myself and I am far more comfortable in that spot than any other. There is some quote about smiling being hard and frowning being easy- That pretty much embodies me. And for too long I have taken the easy  route (re: frowny).

Being sad and grumpy about my body, money, amount of time alone with Charlie and too short of naps does absolutely nothing to help me grow closer to God, closer to Charlie or into a better Mama. So, what is the point in it? It feels good to wallow, to be bummed and to give into every desire I have to sabotage my health and joy. But I know I am made for joy and made to pick it up and put it on every morning. Some days it is easy and light, other times I know it will be a fight.

Starting a few days ago I have been choosing to feel less. . . stabby and more. . . smiley and though sometimes if feels like a joke, most of the time it actually works after a little bit. And rubs off on Nolie and on Charlie too.

Another awesome thing that happened recently was the discovery of The Five Minute Date. Charlie and I were walking without Nolie for about five minutes and we had So.Much.Fun. I danced around and he took some pictures, we chatted, laughed and just enjoyed each others company solidly for a few minutes. It was awesome. We were able to reconnect, look each other in the eyes, kiss slowly (and without tiny eyes watching) and play. We are making this a goal for our everyday life. To take those Nolie free minutes (nap time, independent play, after bed time, etc.) and just focus on one another in a way that can feel hokey but results in giddy-newlove-glee! feelings.

Here are some more pictures from our 5 minute date-a-palooza. In case you can’t tell- I am totally embracing my body and soaking up some fun doing it. I think that even a week ago I wouldn’t have done this. . . “someone will see me!” “I can’t dance.” “I look gross in skirts this short.” “DON’T take that picture!” This time? so much fun. The whole time.

I heartily encourage you to give a Five Minute Date a shot. Even if you are tired and even if you aren’t in a great mood it can do wonders to decide, together, to focus on one another and give for a moment. And more than that take charge of your mood and focus. Thankfulness, thankfulness, thankfulness. 
Filed Under: Fashion, marriage, postpartum body
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