Charlie and I are celebrating 10 years together in a couple weeks. We’ve ebbed and flowed, highed and lowed,over those years but a few things lately have been really tying the bond up tight. We have been feeling closer, more connected, and happier than ever lately. I wanted to share a few small things that seem to be fanning the flame.
1. A daily act of love. Charlie makes me a french press, every morning. He has done this over a year, and it carries huge weight. It is time out of his morning, it is care to learn how to do it (because up until a couple months ago he didn’t drink coffee! Right, what.the.what.?). And he wraps it in towels so it stays hot for when I wake up (a few hours after it’s made). This one small act communicates to me a huge need I have; I want to know he was thinking of me when I’m not around. I am a big lover of the Five Love Languages book, but this one for me knocks those all out of the park; I want to know I’m on his mind. And this reminds me, it also gives me that moment of pouring hot coffee and thinking of him, and being thankful for him.
2. Random Clean Up; when we ‘do each others chores’. This one happens all the time and in different ways. It’s when he comes home from work to a clean house instead of the typical play filled disarray. It’s when he drops by in the middle of the day and cleans the toilet or tub without even telling me. It’s caring about lightening the load.
3. Encouraging. This one has been a practice for us. And one that is always evolving. It has meant sinking money into things that make no sense to each other (tools! for him and a fancy camera for me!). It’s not keeping score, or bartering, it’s Charlie saying “lets just buy you that camera. We can build the deck in a couple months and you can start taking pictures of beautiful things now!” We are learning to encourage each others passions; it’s me telling him to take the extra time in the shop, and him telling me to go and write while he occupies the girls. It’s sacrifice and love given in tangible ways! And its revitalizing both of us.
4. Asking questions. Somewhere around year 8 we kinda hit a lull and stopped really asking each other questions. We just kinda thought “yeah, I know that person. Inside and out.” but then, recently, we started to realize that (duh!) we are two ever evolving people with always changing hearts and passions, we are endless! there is so much to know! So now we date. Sure, its across bobbing blonde baby heads, noodles all over the table, or intersected with bath times and bandaids, but we keep the questions flowing like were dating again. And I can’t even say how great it is to keep getting to know this guy.
5. Kissing and hugging. So much. All the time. And for longer than 20 seconds. That seems weird, and precise, but I promise once you start doing this two things will occur to you; 1. Wow, we were just kissing and hugging hardly at all before! and 2. Ohhhh the LOVE! This article talks a little about it, but that love/attachement/connection hormone (oxytocin!) is released strongest and best after 20 seconds. So, get smooching!
both photos by Tiffany Burke Photography (and taken almost exactly a year apart )