skin to skin


The need for skin to skin is stressed in those early months. Kangaroo care, skin to skin to help establish healthy breast feeding, to bond with baby, to help Dad bond with baby, and on and on. But then? Those babies grow up and into independent toddlers. “I do it myself!” is a commonly heard first phrase from a two year old. The need for distance and autonomy grows and that skin to skin priority wanes. And for some kiddos, that is just what they need, but not my sweet Noele.

I read about Love Language when we were doing our premarital counseling. Charlie’s love language is touch, mine is words of affirmation/time spent (talking)- I’m a talker. But I am not touchy by nature, and it is easy for me to feel touched out just by all the nursing/baby wearing that I do. But Nolie suffers because of this. She needs touch, needs skin to skin, and needs that affirmation. To feel full she needs a lot of touch. One of the best things we have found for her is baths together. I take baths often and once the water is cooled enough she joins me, cuddles up, nurses, tells me all about her day, and always (without fail) asks me to tell her about when she was born and when Ever was born. It is incredible and such a reset button for us.

Last night everyone was crumbling. Nolie was really on edge and losing it over every little thing, Evie was tired and sad if she wasn’t being held, and Charlie and I were both exhausted from a super busy weekend. So we decided to go for it and the three girls all hoped in our (tiny) bath. It was giggling, splashing, cuddling, story telling, shrieking, and all things good. We all got out clean and filled with a renewed appreciation and love.

Finding ways to meet Nolie’s needs, put her needs (and Evie’s) on the front flame and realizing just how important those needs are and feel for her. Ever isn’t nearly as touchy and is more verbal/chatty and love to be talked to/laughed with. Getting to know my girls, their needs, and how to meet them will be a lifelong endeavor I am sure. But today? It was as blissful and easy as taking a warm bath with them and laughing hard and cuddling long.

**also, I hesitated about posting these photos but after talking to a group of other women who parent similarly to me, this was a pretty universal experience. And I want that to be known, and encouraged, bathing with our kids is awesome/bonding/normal and incredible!


  1. Sarah Cole says:

    I’ve had a couple of baths with my girls lately, and I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before now! Lily Mae regularly takes showers with me–you’d think it wouldn’t be such a duh moment. Not sure I’d be brave enough to take pictures of it though. Way to go, Mama!! 🙂

  2. beautiful!

  3. Grandma Sue says:

    God bless you for the love you are giving and teaching your babies! Don’t worry about the pictures…they are tastefully precious! I was like Nolie as a little girl over 60 years ago, but didn’t have a mom who touched. (She was a loving mom, but she wasn’t a cuddler…I got that from my grandmother who had the best “pillows” ever!)

  4. Sue, thank you so much for that comment! Touch is SO not my love language and it is takes a very focused effort to remember that for my sweet girl it is so needed. Your words are so encouraging, thank you! And thank God for those perfect “pillows” for babies!

  5. That first photo is about the most precious photo I have ever seen. Thank you for posting these pictures. And thank you for the beautiful reminder that our kids have different love languages than us. Oh, and the blog makeover is pretty!
    Jessica G. recently posted..Connor Got In!My Profile

  6. Such a beautiful post, I remember learning about love languages too!
    Also, the way Nolie is looking up at you in that first picture… I melt.
    Delia R. recently posted..Fabulous Artichoke Spinach Dip with ChickenMy Profile

  7. I bathe with the twins every night. I need it as much as they do. It is such a relaxing way for all of us to unwind. Baths are the best!

  8. Hi Autumn (again! I just recently discovered your blog, from Pinterest)

    So I was aware of the 5 languages of Love, but never took the time to really delve into it. Recently, while home sick, I watched Dr. Phil (or some related show) that discussed this book at length and it really provoked my thought process, and duh – totally made sense. I taped it and when Steve got home from work, I asked if he would watch it with me. He did :). I then asked if it would be okay for us to find out our love languages and see where we stand. The next day he surprised me with a gift – the book! We both filled out our profiles and now we are in the process of reading the book together. Such a bonding experience.

    We are currently trying to conceive (our 1st) and I never even thought about children having their own love languages. Geesh… What kind of Nanny am I?! Your story here brought that to light, and I truly want to thank you for that. I am going to implement this new found realization at work, with my two boys, whom I love like my own. I hope and pray that one day I can do the same for our own children.

    By the way – absolutely adorable picture that was captured through pure love. It shows – and is beautiful. 🙂

    • Oh, so glad you found my blog! It hadn’t occurred to me either even though I read the love languages book ages ago! But it makes so much sense and it really helping me with my relationships with my girls (and close friends too!) . Sounds like a sweet hubby you’ve got there 🙂

    • I found out today that a Bank of America employee accidently deleted all my personal financial data stored under “My Portfolio”. When I called and asked for help (it has links to my remaining retirement funds, passwords, and account numbers), I was told they will instruct the employee not to do it again.When I asked to have the data restored, they told me, “maybe – it will take 7 to 10 business days to see if the data is available.”Do I have any rights or expectations to this data? it is a multi-year history of my financial transactions and is valuable to me.

    • It’s a real pleasure to find someone who can think like that

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