Today is my due date. I can say with total assurance that I never thought I would be sitting here, April 23rd, without a baby.
Having my first come almost two weeks early and second pregnancies are “typically shorter” along with being prepared for a home birth from 37 weeks on (because, duh, you have to be)… this last bit has felt very long.
BUT I am thankful. Achy, tired, enormous and thankful.
My calling is people. I have always liked waiting tables and making coffee, far more than making money and following a corporate dress code. I like to talk to people, hear their stories, share my own, and make friends wherever I go. After I had Nolie my calling felt far more specific.
I love Moms.
I love connecting Mamas, listening to their woes and triumphs, sharing my own, and being vulnerable and also sharing what I feel like is important in parenting. My Facebook mom group is totally important to me… however dumb that might be. They have opened up an outlet for me to meet women who are struggling through the same issues (be they marriage, motherhood or body related), women who are wanting to give/receive milk for their babies, women who have hearts as true as can be- who give and give and still ask “do you know anyone who needs a meal?” . I love Moms.
I feel like this pregnancy being so different has given me new empathy that I wholeheartedly lacked before. Spending the better part of 20 weeks with Antepartum depression gave me new understanding. I get it when women don’t feel connected with that baby. When they feel like giving up and giving in and just being “done”. I get the failures in parenting a toddler that come with that weight. Post 20ish weeks I fell hard in love with this baby and, it seems, with eating. The anything and the everything. I have a new empathy for Moms who gain more than the “recommended” amount. I am hovering around 50 pounds of weight gain (after eating whatever I wanted, not working out and still only gaining 25 with Nolie)… I have empathy for the “overweight mother” stamp. I have an easy time getting how “it just… happened”.
And now I have another new space to grow and gain empathy… “overdue”. Those dates sit in our head and even though they are pretty much arbitrary they sure carry a TON of weight. Inductions live and die by them. Plans are made with those dates in mind. There is an END and yet… it can be totally off, wrong, inaccurate, pointless.
“When are you due?”
oh. . . and yet, more than likely, it won’t be today.
So tomorrow when I am hit with the inevitable question “when are you due?” I get to have the distinct pleasure of answering “yesterday” and watching their faces get awkward… confused… or, the best, empathetic.