Well, Monday brought with it the infamous 35 weeks= 35 days till due date . . . while last time that made me feel very, OH MY GOSH THAT IS SO SOON! This time it feels much more like, no.way.can’t.go.that.long.
I know it could be two weeks or seven weeks. I am steeling myself for the long haul because chances are, since everything is basically ready and I feel very done, this baby won’t arrive till the very end of her window. Who knows? (not me, bleh)
But this time instead of just 35/35 I get to (sarcasm!) add an additional 35 to this… yep, 35 pounds gained. Technically it is somewhere between 33-40 depending on scales. Last time I gained 27 total. I have left last time in the dust… weeks ago. I am overwhelmed by the number. I am annoyed with myself for caring about a number. And still I am terrified of the next number(s)…because there is still time and still gaining happening.
I have started a new workout plan and hopefully will keep it up till the end of my pregnancy and I will for sure UP it after this baby comes (after a few weeks, obviously!) for lots of reasons. I am uncomfortable in my skin at this size. I want to feel strong and capable and working out gives me that and also because, for me, working out makes a HUGE difference in my emotional state. So along with making plans for post birth clothes and postpartum wardrobe changes, I am starting to make plans now for postpartum exercise that will be safe, not take me away from my baby and that WORKS.
So here I am… all 300.000 pounds of baby and me. I know this is kind of a downer of a post… I am trying to be honest, get those ugly words out and then keep on trucking with positive thinking. But today (and the past few days) have been really hard and reconciling that number and that it has nothing to do with my worth has been a feat. So today I am trying to declare it done and let this post be the graveyard for those thoughts.
35 weeks
ps. I, in no way, think that gaining 35+ pounds is a big deal in and of itself. My problems stem from my own issues, I know many (many many) women gain far more than that and look incredible, are healthy, and maintain a healthy weight postpartum (in a healthy time frame). This post is more about my own insecurities than it is a commentary on how huge 35pounds feels.
Your belly is stunningly beautiful. And 35 pounds or 10 pounds, you are conscious of it and preparing to lose it when it’s appropriate to do so. So you go momma, and I heart you.
Mia recently posted..A trip to the DMV
I never knew of this 35/35. Its kind of fun. Enjoy these last weeks of pregnancy. I know (from my own issues with the scale) how hard it is to watch those numbers rise. Just keep giving those numbers to the Lord…or just do as I did and stop looking. You look beautiful.
Jessica G. recently posted..The Head Situation
You look great, Autumn, and I neither think pregnant women are across-the-board great looking nor that it’s necessary to reassure people if they’re actually looking kind of bad, just to be nice. You look great, seriously and truly. I gained way more this time, too — I didn’t even realize how much, in fact — 40 lbs (!!!!!!!!) and I had lost 31 by my 2 week appointment. How? I dunno, but it just disappeared. I’m sure the same thing’ll happen to you, but even more because you won’t be sitting on your ass eating girl scout cookies all day.
Stefanie recently posted..postcards from the couch
That is one beautiful belly with a beautiful girl inside being nurtured and cared for. I too gained *way* more in my second pregnancy despite being healthier. I think I did because I was healthier. Evie was able to get what she needed and when and was healthy because of it. Girl, that is almost all belly, and if you are like me, I was down to just 10 pounds left to lose after just 2 weeks–without doing anything about it. Now, almost 11 months later I still have 5 pounds to lose, and I’m not stressed about it because my body refuses to give up those last 5 pounds while I nurse my baby (same thing happened with Xander). However, I fit into all my clothes and am healthy again, so I’m focusing on that and not a number on a scale.
Kick those insecurities to the curb! ((hugs))
That is an absolutely gorgeous picture of you…and know it’s not just a lucky shot. You are so beautiful and this picture finally captured a little piece of that. Thanks for being strong and working so hard to be such a great role model for both our girls and ladies elsewhere, you’re incredible!
I agree, that’s a really sweet photo. Love the sunlight through the door and your perfect little bump!
For some reason, your most recent blog posts haven’t been popping up in my feed (last one that registered was the one about your 25) — so I came over here to check and I’m now officially caught up on all your recent posts! (Glad you haven’t gone away after all!)
Congratulations on being 35 weeks! I’m now at almost 27 weeks and am also starting to deal with certain discomforts that a bigger belly and more weight bring. Hang in there, it won’t be too much longer!
Beth recently posted..Date night!
My pregnancies were not easy in terms of nausea/throwing up. I started out overweight and didn’t eat, which equaled me actually losing weight during both of them. It sucked being that sick, but I also never had to deal with any feelings about the weight I was putting on. I can understand how hard it is – even though your head knows that it’s okay, even healthy, we’ve been raised in a society that puts SO much emphasis on weight that it gets ingrained in us. You look amazing, and you’ll lose the weight in no time anyway with TWO kids to chase around!
Rachael recently posted..Week 15: Short but Sweet
Good post! I’ll definitely be pinning this on pinterest!
Ruben recently posted..Staging Your Home before putting it on the Market
I concur with everyone here autumn… you’re beautiful!
Also, I understand what it is like to obsess over numbers. That’s why I chose NOT to weigh myself at all during this pregnancy. I knew I could easily fixate. I wanted to focus on being healthy and feeling healthy.
That said, it would have been interesting to know with a second pregnancy how this first one compared, but oh well.
Maybe if there is a third for your wonderful little family…. you can have Charlie hide your scale