1. I don’t eat whole meals.
3. I don’t drink enough water.
4. I drink too much coffee.
Number one is the real killer. I munch all.day.long and never sit down and eat a meal. Consequently I am always hungry and grabbing whatever I can and never taking the time for a meal. This is with the exception of dinner, because we all sit down and eat together. I realized today that part of why I don’t do it is because of my awful self talk and worth problems. I don’t feel worth the time and energy to make a meal in the middle of the day. I don’t want to “waste” the ingredients on just me. I want to save them for dinner time. Instead of roasting some veggies and making quinoa in the middle of the day I end up eating a few spoonfuls of peanut butter, some crackers, an insane number of carrots and a huge amount of hummus. None of those are bad foods, but none of them constitute a meal. However they do rack up an insane amount of calories.
I am starting with posting goals. I am a big fan of goals, short term and long term. I like achieving things and being able to check off a list. So here is my goal for the next month.
To eat meals purposefully. And, to be specific and concrete: To continue a food journal for a full month.
I am hoping that if I can see what meals look like, what portions look like and be accountable to it all then maybe I will start to see a change in my body and (even better) feel a change in my head and heart.
I have signed up for this race with a group of Mamas in my town, I am so excited and terrified (check out the obstacle list)! This has given me renewed motivation at the gym. I have something I am training for, and I love that. These past two weeks I have been dedicated to going and my pace is getting faster and faster and I can tell I am getting stronger. I am trying so hard to not be discouraged by my clothes not fitting differently and the scale not budging and focusing on how much stronger I am getting. It is still an uphill battle for me to see this as a fight for my health and future and not a fight for smaller jeans and cute arms, but I am slowly moving toward that. And seeing any progress in that direction is a huge win for me.
This stuff has been on my mind and takes up too much space, I shouldn’t let body woes occupy so much time and energy. Does anyone else struggle with this need for goals and motivation in order to feel like you can conquer this? I so often feel like I should have outgrown this by now, my teenage insecurities should be all waved away now that I am knocking down the door of 25. And yet? They persist. I feel better since having Nolie (weird, right?) but still have a daily battle with the mirror and my thoughts. Do you?